Okay so it isn't, but my computer is in the shop -- I have become very fond of it and feel like it is an appendage of mine... and now it is missing. Crazy, it seems it is enjoying its retreat and is behaving very well at the computer repair shop. Maybe it thinks it is at camp. Sheesh. I hope it comes home soon.
The Odegards and Steven are moving out tomorrow. Sigh. I'm not ready for the quiet. Then LK leaves. More quiet. Sigh. Enough said.
No picture yet, but the squirrels do hang from the clothesline in the middle of the yard and eat birdseed from the feeder. We catch them in the act, but have not yet seen how they maneuver their way out there.
Aimee turned 25. We had a party. We gave her some pottery I loved. Isn't that what you're supposed to do - give what you'd like to receive? Of course, I hope she likes it very much. (I do, and feel I should maybe give it back, says Aimee) More later with exciting photos. I know you miss them. So do I - I miss my own photos.
Aimee is typing this giddy entry for me on her Apple. (it's actually called a Mac, says Aimee) On your Mac then, that's a kind of apple. Thank-you very much.
(mom is sleepy and we are giddy and think you won't think this entry is quite as funny as we do, I think she better go to bed now, says Aimee)
Good night. Peace out.
Kathy
Monday, May 30, 2005
Friday, May 27, 2005
Walking a Crooked Path
It’s gotten warm really suddenly! Yesterday LK and I went on a walking date to Earls -my summer favorite – eating good food outside on the deck. I had a stellar view of Mt. Baker. When we got home the house was soo hot we went rummaging in a dark garage for our fans and got things set up and cooled down in no time.
I need to go to the dentist. I’m very bad at taking care of myself. I don’t like going to the dentist because it means trying to wrangle a big enough appointment to do all the work I estimate at once, check up, cleaning, fillings. This is important to me because I need to take a major dose of antibiotics (for my heart) every time I go to the dentist and I’d prefer to do that once – not twice. Then, the worst parts, my jaw is so weird, and my neck must be weird too, that I feel like my jar is going to get stuck open forever and my neck is going to get kinked out, paralyzed, and my skull and brains are going to vibrate out of my head. I’m constantly repositioning my neck. It’s not even about the pain. I have the world’s most gentle dentist – sorry everyone else.
Anyways, this leads to my sort of funny story. I think I must have a cavity that stuff is sticking in – especially grains. Brushing and flossing can’t get it out so I was thinking what can I invent that I can poke into my tooth and dig the little things out? Maybe a little wire or something. I actually thought on this for awhile. GOOD GRIEF I started laughing – it’s already been invented – THE TOOTHPICK. I thought this was so funny I even dreamed about telling it and laughing in my sleep. I never buy them – only maybe to serve small cubes of cheese or something.
I’m posting a picture of a path built just for me. Up until grade 5 I didn’t know I needed a path like this – but Patty Seltz informed me that I walk in S’s. What da ya know, she was right, and I still do. That’s why I think I could be prone to being run over by bikers who assume I’ll walk straight. Sometimes I try really hard to walk straight and I succeed for a bit but it’d really hard. I loved the feel of walking on the crooked path. It felt so completely natural. I wonder what would happen if a cop asked me to walk a line? Do you think I could convince him it’s just my funny ears?
I need to go to the dentist. I’m very bad at taking care of myself. I don’t like going to the dentist because it means trying to wrangle a big enough appointment to do all the work I estimate at once, check up, cleaning, fillings. This is important to me because I need to take a major dose of antibiotics (for my heart) every time I go to the dentist and I’d prefer to do that once – not twice. Then, the worst parts, my jaw is so weird, and my neck must be weird too, that I feel like my jar is going to get stuck open forever and my neck is going to get kinked out, paralyzed, and my skull and brains are going to vibrate out of my head. I’m constantly repositioning my neck. It’s not even about the pain. I have the world’s most gentle dentist – sorry everyone else.
Anyways, this leads to my sort of funny story. I think I must have a cavity that stuff is sticking in – especially grains. Brushing and flossing can’t get it out so I was thinking what can I invent that I can poke into my tooth and dig the little things out? Maybe a little wire or something. I actually thought on this for awhile. GOOD GRIEF I started laughing – it’s already been invented – THE TOOTHPICK. I thought this was so funny I even dreamed about telling it and laughing in my sleep. I never buy them – only maybe to serve small cubes of cheese or something.
I’m posting a picture of a path built just for me. Up until grade 5 I didn’t know I needed a path like this – but Patty Seltz informed me that I walk in S’s. What da ya know, she was right, and I still do. That’s why I think I could be prone to being run over by bikers who assume I’ll walk straight. Sometimes I try really hard to walk straight and I succeed for a bit but it’d really hard. I loved the feel of walking on the crooked path. It felt so completely natural. I wonder what would happen if a cop asked me to walk a line? Do you think I could convince him it’s just my funny ears?
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
More on the Weekend
Well it seems my cold is getting better - with the crowning cherry of my recovery being - pink eye. Woah, that's nasty stuff. I have suitcases of puffy fluid in my upper lids - NOT attractive and NOT comfortable.
More about the weekend. Most years it goes like this, we arrive Friday night, some people very, very late. Saturday is pretty relaxed with people informally hanging out playing sports, visiting, going for walks, hikes and such. No volleyball this year – but Andy took some people climbing, and there was a beautiful swimming pool to enjoy as well. Saturday night is always a barbeque birthday party for Grandpa and all other spring birthdays. This has evolved to being an everybody birthday. Sunday we have our own church service - this year it was outside. At church there is worship, some scripture reading and reports from all the family groups, and prayer for everybody and their activities. Sunday afternoon is usually a baseball game and then in the evening we get pizza.
I will tell you about one idea that worked really well as part of worship. Cara suggested that we bring modeling clay and during the service give everyone a piece and have them shape it into a representation of something they are thankful for. We read Psalm 95:1-7 before this, placed a table in the middle of our circle, listened to Lance and Steve sing a song, and, as we were ready, we walked up to the table and told the group what our clay shape represented after which we placed them on the altar. It turned out to be very effective for our intergenerational crowd and the table made it seem very much like offerings of thanksgiving. When the service was over, everyone was keen to linger and have a close look at all the sculptures. Below is a picture of our clay before we passed it out.
Speaking of clay, here is a picture of the Saturday night ladies spa we had while most of the fellows were at stock car races.
More about the weekend. Most years it goes like this, we arrive Friday night, some people very, very late. Saturday is pretty relaxed with people informally hanging out playing sports, visiting, going for walks, hikes and such. No volleyball this year – but Andy took some people climbing, and there was a beautiful swimming pool to enjoy as well. Saturday night is always a barbeque birthday party for Grandpa and all other spring birthdays. This has evolved to being an everybody birthday. Sunday we have our own church service - this year it was outside. At church there is worship, some scripture reading and reports from all the family groups, and prayer for everybody and their activities. Sunday afternoon is usually a baseball game and then in the evening we get pizza.
I will tell you about one idea that worked really well as part of worship. Cara suggested that we bring modeling clay and during the service give everyone a piece and have them shape it into a representation of something they are thankful for. We read Psalm 95:1-7 before this, placed a table in the middle of our circle, listened to Lance and Steve sing a song, and, as we were ready, we walked up to the table and told the group what our clay shape represented after which we placed them on the altar. It turned out to be very effective for our intergenerational crowd and the table made it seem very much like offerings of thanksgiving. When the service was over, everyone was keen to linger and have a close look at all the sculptures. Below is a picture of our clay before we passed it out.
Speaking of clay, here is a picture of the Saturday night ladies spa we had while most of the fellows were at stock car races.
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
The May Long Weekend
For over 20 years, 22 I think, our family has been going on May long weekend get-aways with my husband’s parents, his siblings, their kids, and now their kids. This year we went to Sandy Beach Resort at Naramata. This was the fourth time we’ve been there and the coldest by far – still very little rain. These weekends are sponsored by my in-laws who cover all expenses – everybody tries to come every year even planning wedding dates around the May long weekend so as not to miss.
Both LK and I were sick with colds and coughs. He led the way and I’ve been following him into temporary misery. As a result, we couldn’t enjoy family and visiting as much as we would like to have. Still recovering. More later.
Both LK and I were sick with colds and coughs. He led the way and I’ve been following him into temporary misery. As a result, we couldn’t enjoy family and visiting as much as we would like to have. Still recovering. More later.
Thursday, May 19, 2005
Today - Surprised and Feeling Rich
Today I found this picture on my memory card of Sarah. First I was really surprised at the little thumbnails - Hmmm? What are those? Then I clicked, ewww messy. Then I thought - did I take those? When did I take those? Ha Ha - Cara and Aimee tricked me and sneaked the little messy face darlin on my photo card. For a minute I thought it was a menopausal moment :).
The bird feeder hangs from the clothesline. Apparently safely. IF any squirrels climb from the tree, paw over paw across the line to the feeder, you can be sure I will post a picture.
I have a cold today. It's dwelling between my nose and my chest. I sound tough and I feel a little crabby - still I managed to catch mass this am (until a coughing fit chased me out before my peaceful alone time was over), choose a gift on behalf of my parents for my aunt and uncle's 50th anniversary and deliver it to their home, patch Lance's pants (with pink! - OK so the patch is invisible reinforcement on the inside), and yet again make supper (chicken and veggie stir fry with black bean sauce). Laundry tonight and just a bit - one load maybe and I'm caught up. I love clean clothes - makes me feel rich, so does drinking a whole glass of milk straight down one gulp after another. Cara says if I get myself some rubber gloves for dishwashing I will feel rich also – she has pink – I think pink would feel richer than standard yellow.
The bird feeder hangs from the clothesline. Apparently safely. IF any squirrels climb from the tree, paw over paw across the line to the feeder, you can be sure I will post a picture.
I have a cold today. It's dwelling between my nose and my chest. I sound tough and I feel a little crabby - still I managed to catch mass this am (until a coughing fit chased me out before my peaceful alone time was over), choose a gift on behalf of my parents for my aunt and uncle's 50th anniversary and deliver it to their home, patch Lance's pants (with pink! - OK so the patch is invisible reinforcement on the inside), and yet again make supper (chicken and veggie stir fry with black bean sauce). Laundry tonight and just a bit - one load maybe and I'm caught up. I love clean clothes - makes me feel rich, so does drinking a whole glass of milk straight down one gulp after another. Cara says if I get myself some rubber gloves for dishwashing I will feel rich also – she has pink – I think pink would feel richer than standard yellow.
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
Quiet Myself?
Lord, my heart is not proud; my eyes are not haughty. I don't concern myself with matters too great or awesome for me. But I have stilled and quieted myself just as a small child is quiet with its mother; yes like a small child is my soul within me. Psalm 131:1-2
Things that hit me about this passage -
1. I'm not sure what "matters too great or awesome for me" are - but perhaps they are things beyond my control or sphere of influence. Things I might worry about to no avail.
2. It would take some humility to admit, and live like, I am not in charge of the universe. For me this being in charge is mostly an interior state (HA and an inferior state to an attitude of rest). I used to be worse about jumping in and rescuing people - till I could not rescue myself. Progress, making progress.
3. What do you know - if the Psalmist can quiet himself - I must have some of that ability too. So I'm thinking not to expect peace to descend on me but that I have a role in making myself still and quiet. This makes me think of progressive muscle relaxation, which I can do. I think the Psalm 131 quiet is a quieting of the spirit, mind, body, soul, whole person - a deeper quiet - the quiet in which I am most likely to hear the Shepherd's voice. I'm sure this requires practice.
These are my morning thoughts.
Things that hit me about this passage -
1. I'm not sure what "matters too great or awesome for me" are - but perhaps they are things beyond my control or sphere of influence. Things I might worry about to no avail.
2. It would take some humility to admit, and live like, I am not in charge of the universe. For me this being in charge is mostly an interior state (HA and an inferior state to an attitude of rest). I used to be worse about jumping in and rescuing people - till I could not rescue myself. Progress, making progress.
3. What do you know - if the Psalmist can quiet himself - I must have some of that ability too. So I'm thinking not to expect peace to descend on me but that I have a role in making myself still and quiet. This makes me think of progressive muscle relaxation, which I can do. I think the Psalm 131 quiet is a quieting of the spirit, mind, body, soul, whole person - a deeper quiet - the quiet in which I am most likely to hear the Shepherd's voice. I'm sure this requires practice.
These are my morning thoughts.
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
Long Walk, Faulty Memory
Two husbands flew away today - Ruth's and mine. Her's to Russia and mine to Ontario. We were scheduled to walk together but she felt she should say a proper good-bye to her hubby so we rescheduled. Mine left at 6 am - so early so he already had his goodbye.
I agreed to run an errand for Steve today while he worked in Surrey - sending a guitar tracing to a company who will make a custom case for him. I needed to get the pattern and measurements to Letterlock to rush it to the builder. I was on foot because Lance had the car in Vancouver having driven LK to the airport. Anyway, it turned out the Letterlock nearby, like 4 blocks away, moved years ago, much to my surprise. It ended up to be over an hour round trip which was one bit of exercise I wouldn’t have gotten had I not been in the position of having to.
While I was doing my second errand at the bank, a woman who looked familiar, and who I know I’ve enjoyed talking with before, came up to me and told me that Lisa had had her baby and she would likely be coming back to church. She asked what was going on in the Women’s Center and I told her about the single mom’s group. The thing is – I couldn’t place this woman at all. I don’t know who Lisa is – I had to ask if she was single. Ahgh, this happens to me all the time. We are quite well known in town – so more people know me than I know them. Also, although I really like people, I have trouble with names. Now I will be pouring over our church photo album to see if I can place them. If Lisa comes tomorrow night to single mom’s, then I will likely remember her – also, she will be the one with the little baby. What do you do when you can’t exactly remember someone’s name or how you know them?
Tonight I cooked a big roast for dinner and already have a sort of shepherd’s pie ready for tomorrow night’s dinner. I got so out of the habit of cooking anything that this amazes me that I have plans for two nights in a row.
I agreed to run an errand for Steve today while he worked in Surrey - sending a guitar tracing to a company who will make a custom case for him. I needed to get the pattern and measurements to Letterlock to rush it to the builder. I was on foot because Lance had the car in Vancouver having driven LK to the airport. Anyway, it turned out the Letterlock nearby, like 4 blocks away, moved years ago, much to my surprise. It ended up to be over an hour round trip which was one bit of exercise I wouldn’t have gotten had I not been in the position of having to.
While I was doing my second errand at the bank, a woman who looked familiar, and who I know I’ve enjoyed talking with before, came up to me and told me that Lisa had had her baby and she would likely be coming back to church. She asked what was going on in the Women’s Center and I told her about the single mom’s group. The thing is – I couldn’t place this woman at all. I don’t know who Lisa is – I had to ask if she was single. Ahgh, this happens to me all the time. We are quite well known in town – so more people know me than I know them. Also, although I really like people, I have trouble with names. Now I will be pouring over our church photo album to see if I can place them. If Lisa comes tomorrow night to single mom’s, then I will likely remember her – also, she will be the one with the little baby. What do you do when you can’t exactly remember someone’s name or how you know them?
Tonight I cooked a big roast for dinner and already have a sort of shepherd’s pie ready for tomorrow night’s dinner. I got so out of the habit of cooking anything that this amazes me that I have plans for two nights in a row.
Monday, May 16, 2005
Weekend Catch Up
My goal for the last few days has been to rest and be quiet more. It's not that interesting to go to bed at a reasonable hour or to nap - I'm way too curious and never want to miss anything - but the plan works. Turns out people need sleep.
I did have some fun this weekend as well. Friday afternoon I went with Andy, Cara and Sarah back behind Mission where I took care of Sarah at the base of a rock while they went climbing. It was really enjoyable to come along. Cara hadn't climbed in over a year, so it was fun to be there to watch her first climb since motherhood. Sarah really likes being outside and is so curious (runs in the family) she is really easy to care for. I just have to be really quick that when I show her a flower, or grass, or whatever, that I catch her just after she has touched it - but before she eats it. Daddy Andy says buttercups are poisonous - I asked him. They look cute between her toes - but be quick Grandma!
After we got home LK and I went out for supper with Aimee, Lance and Steve - my second Greek restaurant in one day.
We went to see Fonda’s new movie, Monster in Law. Of course they gave her a real extreme role to play and parts of it were quite funny and Fonda was well cast. It’s so disheartening to me, though, the way most movie relationships put sex before marriage. In this movie the character in the dating relationship was an intelligent (not wise) doctor who was very close to proposal anyway – but no – still had to do the moving in thing first. This is culture and life reflecting and influencing each other. This style of living exacts a higher price from one's soul and future marital satisfaction than what we might expect.
Sunday night Lance had a listening party at our coffeehouse to get feedback on his new songs before he records another album. Steve played with him for the evening. I loved hearing the boys sing together. I love all of Lance's new music. Aimee and Lance are rich in friendships. Melanie came and it was lovely to see her if even for a short minute. She helped rescue Aimee from a last minute panic of stapling booklets for the listeners. Our photocopier is not as advanced as Aimee thought. It takes a while to staple thirty books together.
Today I went for a walk with a lady named Lois from church. It turned out to be a little hike after all in a patch of hilly forest in the city. I think I would have walked circles in that forest for hours had I been alone.
I did have some fun this weekend as well. Friday afternoon I went with Andy, Cara and Sarah back behind Mission where I took care of Sarah at the base of a rock while they went climbing. It was really enjoyable to come along. Cara hadn't climbed in over a year, so it was fun to be there to watch her first climb since motherhood. Sarah really likes being outside and is so curious (runs in the family) she is really easy to care for. I just have to be really quick that when I show her a flower, or grass, or whatever, that I catch her just after she has touched it - but before she eats it. Daddy Andy says buttercups are poisonous - I asked him. They look cute between her toes - but be quick Grandma!
After we got home LK and I went out for supper with Aimee, Lance and Steve - my second Greek restaurant in one day.
We went to see Fonda’s new movie, Monster in Law. Of course they gave her a real extreme role to play and parts of it were quite funny and Fonda was well cast. It’s so disheartening to me, though, the way most movie relationships put sex before marriage. In this movie the character in the dating relationship was an intelligent (not wise) doctor who was very close to proposal anyway – but no – still had to do the moving in thing first. This is culture and life reflecting and influencing each other. This style of living exacts a higher price from one's soul and future marital satisfaction than what we might expect.
Sunday night Lance had a listening party at our coffeehouse to get feedback on his new songs before he records another album. Steve played with him for the evening. I loved hearing the boys sing together. I love all of Lance's new music. Aimee and Lance are rich in friendships. Melanie came and it was lovely to see her if even for a short minute. She helped rescue Aimee from a last minute panic of stapling booklets for the listeners. Our photocopier is not as advanced as Aimee thought. It takes a while to staple thirty books together.
Today I went for a walk with a lady named Lois from church. It turned out to be a little hike after all in a patch of hilly forest in the city. I think I would have walked circles in that forest for hours had I been alone.
Friday, May 13, 2005
Fish, Fire, Frustration, and Fresh Book
Last night we had the most fantastic supper. Someone had given Andy a very huge piece of salmon and he barbequed it on cherry wood planks that had been soaked in water, and basted the fish in olive oil and basil. Oh my goodness, it had the most smoky flavor - and moist. Cara and Andy had company for dinner but the salmon was so huge we "had" to help them eat it. Steve, LK and I had our dinner on the deck where I had finished planting all my many pots yesterday. Steve says, "Why can't we eat like this every night?" Yes, why indeed? Mainly because I don't cook much and he's not home much.
Other than the yummy factor - a fun son-in-law moment was when Andy was taking the fish off the grill and we realized that the planks were on fire. What to do. Just shut the lid? But then a seriously smoking, flaming campfire got going, fueled by the fat. "I have a big mister", I announced running off to get it. Of course it was nearly empty - so I hurriedly filled it up, rushing back to the deck, Andy opened the lid, smoke pouring out, I held my spraying arm out straight like I was shooting a weapon. With vigor and great authority I reduced the flames to a steaming sizzle as I shouted, "I feel like a fireman!", and Andy hollered back through the steam, "You are, and you are doing a really good job of putting the fire out!" As we ate our dinner it flared up a couple more times but I was right on it =)
On another note – what is it about a crisis easing that can lead to depression? We use up our “hoarded resources” and then BAM? Now that my mom is home, and getting better, she AND my dad are hitting an emotional slump. She doesn’t sleep very well at all, and has little appetite or motivation to go anywhere or do anything.
Dizzy, depleted daughters are not very good for daily dishes delivered. (Not that that is expected.) Not much sleep for me either - I only slept from 3-6:30? Oh the joys of menopause without HRT. I suggested seeing our favorite counseller (Eric Kuelker) not something older people are used to – that and the fact that he charges 120 an hour – but we are SO worth it. I say we because many of us in the family have benefited from counseling. If you are reading this and you pray - please do. Thanks.
I finished Fonda's book and am into "Opposite Contraries, the unknown journals of Emily Carr and other writings". She says at one point about her art, which for her was very much a spiritual battle, "No one can help me much, not even Lawren. No one can grow for another, not one; no one can acquire for another, not one - the struggle is in one's own soul" (p47). I suppose to a great degree this is true - but I find it sure helps to have someone to walk beside - and who can tell how much difference it makes to have the Savior of our souls as the primary companion - more than I realize I am thinking. I am just to the part in the book where Emily chooses Christ. and what a differnce she notes.
Other than the yummy factor - a fun son-in-law moment was when Andy was taking the fish off the grill and we realized that the planks were on fire. What to do. Just shut the lid? But then a seriously smoking, flaming campfire got going, fueled by the fat. "I have a big mister", I announced running off to get it. Of course it was nearly empty - so I hurriedly filled it up, rushing back to the deck, Andy opened the lid, smoke pouring out, I held my spraying arm out straight like I was shooting a weapon. With vigor and great authority I reduced the flames to a steaming sizzle as I shouted, "I feel like a fireman!", and Andy hollered back through the steam, "You are, and you are doing a really good job of putting the fire out!" As we ate our dinner it flared up a couple more times but I was right on it =)
On another note – what is it about a crisis easing that can lead to depression? We use up our “hoarded resources” and then BAM? Now that my mom is home, and getting better, she AND my dad are hitting an emotional slump. She doesn’t sleep very well at all, and has little appetite or motivation to go anywhere or do anything.
Dizzy, depleted daughters are not very good for daily dishes delivered. (Not that that is expected.) Not much sleep for me either - I only slept from 3-6:30? Oh the joys of menopause without HRT. I suggested seeing our favorite counseller (Eric Kuelker) not something older people are used to – that and the fact that he charges 120 an hour – but we are SO worth it. I say we because many of us in the family have benefited from counseling. If you are reading this and you pray - please do. Thanks.
I finished Fonda's book and am into "Opposite Contraries, the unknown journals of Emily Carr and other writings". She says at one point about her art, which for her was very much a spiritual battle, "No one can help me much, not even Lawren. No one can grow for another, not one; no one can acquire for another, not one - the struggle is in one's own soul" (p47). I suppose to a great degree this is true - but I find it sure helps to have someone to walk beside - and who can tell how much difference it makes to have the Savior of our souls as the primary companion - more than I realize I am thinking. I am just to the part in the book where Emily chooses Christ. and what a differnce she notes.
Thursday, May 12, 2005
Wednesday, May 11, 2005
Thoughts
Here are some things I have been thinking about today -
I've been considering Jesus' prayer for his followers in Jn. 17 - particularly v.17 "make them pure and holy by teaching them your words of truth". I know truth can help us be mentally, emotionally, and spiritually healthy, but I had not thought about it making us pure and holy - new territory.
I've been feeling badly about letting my exercise and diet slide a bit when my cardiologist told me plainly what I must do - maintain a lower body weight and major on cardio. I would not say I feel failure - but I think it is not fair to hope my heart does not deteriorate any further without taking serious - all the time - my part.
I've been thinking about "normal" and in talking to some friends I realize again how we very strongly tend to let our experiences define what "normal" is. Maybe our experiences are typical, or even common - but I ask how does this compare with what our Father dreams of as normal for his children? In asking this - I am thinking that we do well to realize that He uses a very different measuring stick than we do. Also, I see the importance of telling each other our stories to broaden our understanding of other’s experience, increasing our compassion, and helping each other discover a better normal - a normal defined by his "words of truth".
I've been considering Jesus' prayer for his followers in Jn. 17 - particularly v.17 "make them pure and holy by teaching them your words of truth". I know truth can help us be mentally, emotionally, and spiritually healthy, but I had not thought about it making us pure and holy - new territory.
I've been feeling badly about letting my exercise and diet slide a bit when my cardiologist told me plainly what I must do - maintain a lower body weight and major on cardio. I would not say I feel failure - but I think it is not fair to hope my heart does not deteriorate any further without taking serious - all the time - my part.
I've been thinking about "normal" and in talking to some friends I realize again how we very strongly tend to let our experiences define what "normal" is. Maybe our experiences are typical, or even common - but I ask how does this compare with what our Father dreams of as normal for his children? In asking this - I am thinking that we do well to realize that He uses a very different measuring stick than we do. Also, I see the importance of telling each other our stories to broaden our understanding of other’s experience, increasing our compassion, and helping each other discover a better normal - a normal defined by his "words of truth".
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
Mother's Day, Food Court, and a Glitter Throwing Cat
Sunday church was loud - it was so loud that I left to stuff rolled toilet paper in my ears - then it was OK but lacking a little clarity. I really like the fellow who was doing sound but he is used to doing rock shows - I guess!
Monday I went to mass again and it was quiet - ah refreshing. The priest I like best did the talk and asked again some good questions for reflections. This time I brought my Bible with me and a list of things I wanted to pray about. I ended up staying an extra hour I think. Lots of people stay. When I was leaving a lady named Betty something (like Betty Lou, Betty Jane ???) introduced herself to me and invited me to a "charismatic" prayer meeting that they have every Friday right after morning mass. It was neat to be a new person and having others welcome and invite me in. I also got the little book - but it is for June so I am only doing a little better.
We had a two day Mother's Day celebration. Sunday, I went with Steve, Aimee, Lance and LK to - da da da dah - the food court at the mall for lunch! It was totally cool with me because there were no crowds, no wait, everybody gets what they want, and Lance and Aimee got in on a frequent habit of ours. Steve brought me a big bouquet (that I jammed in-between the table and the recycling bin) and a cat card that when you open in the yellow cat is giving a hug, and throwing glitter. I’m famous for asking Steve for a hug – so maybe he was thinking about that. Steve and Lance kept playing with the card getting the cat to pop out quickly - over and over again until they both had lots of glitter on their faces, which they then tried, unsuccessfully, to rub off. In the evening we went to LK's mom's for pizza and swimming.
Monday night we all went to my mom's where we had sort of a chicken potluck dinner and more presents. I am having a garden party with Aimee where we will wear capris, drink booster juice and I will get a new perennial. Cara gave me a cucumber comfrey bar of soap that is her favorite and will make me look like her and Andy ;-) - young and attractive? My parents gave me a planter of purple petunias in full bloom joining the three hanging baskets that LK gave me.
Aimee and Lance have left to stay at the cabin of some generous relatives to celebrate their 3rd wedding anniversary and the house is suddenly quiet. The sudden quiet is a little shock – no hospital visits, no major gardening push, no getting ready for guests. I find the shifting of gears can make me feel adrift – even if only for awhile. I may watch a movie this evening in bed as LK is out too.
Monday I went to mass again and it was quiet - ah refreshing. The priest I like best did the talk and asked again some good questions for reflections. This time I brought my Bible with me and a list of things I wanted to pray about. I ended up staying an extra hour I think. Lots of people stay. When I was leaving a lady named Betty something (like Betty Lou, Betty Jane ???) introduced herself to me and invited me to a "charismatic" prayer meeting that they have every Friday right after morning mass. It was neat to be a new person and having others welcome and invite me in. I also got the little book - but it is for June so I am only doing a little better.
We had a two day Mother's Day celebration. Sunday, I went with Steve, Aimee, Lance and LK to - da da da dah - the food court at the mall for lunch! It was totally cool with me because there were no crowds, no wait, everybody gets what they want, and Lance and Aimee got in on a frequent habit of ours. Steve brought me a big bouquet (that I jammed in-between the table and the recycling bin) and a cat card that when you open in the yellow cat is giving a hug, and throwing glitter. I’m famous for asking Steve for a hug – so maybe he was thinking about that. Steve and Lance kept playing with the card getting the cat to pop out quickly - over and over again until they both had lots of glitter on their faces, which they then tried, unsuccessfully, to rub off. In the evening we went to LK's mom's for pizza and swimming.
Monday night we all went to my mom's where we had sort of a chicken potluck dinner and more presents. I am having a garden party with Aimee where we will wear capris, drink booster juice and I will get a new perennial. Cara gave me a cucumber comfrey bar of soap that is her favorite and will make me look like her and Andy ;-) - young and attractive? My parents gave me a planter of purple petunias in full bloom joining the three hanging baskets that LK gave me.
Aimee and Lance have left to stay at the cabin of some generous relatives to celebrate their 3rd wedding anniversary and the house is suddenly quiet. The sudden quiet is a little shock – no hospital visits, no major gardening push, no getting ready for guests. I find the shifting of gears can make me feel adrift – even if only for awhile. I may watch a movie this evening in bed as LK is out too.
Saturday, May 07, 2005
Two Big Days
Yesterday Aimee arrived. Unfortunately, we were late in picking her up because on the way to the airport we got caught in a gravel truck rolling protest. Hundreds of gravel trucks were moving out of Cloverdale and into Vancouver (at 20km per hr.) protesting the high cost of fuel. I had to wonder how this would help. And I ask, since gas is a natural and limited resource, do we think it will last forever and it that it is our right to have cheap gas always? I think not.
We had a lovely lunch with Aimee before heading to the wedding at Peace Arch Park. It was the most beautiful park I think I've seen - lots of mature trees, manicured lawns, lovely dappled light though the fresh green leafy branches - all on a bluff overlooking the sparkling ocean. The wedding and reception were respectively beautiful and delicious. We were so proud and happy for our young friends. Steve was doing the sound and LK became his right hand man - hauling equipment, moving equipment, and hauling equipment again.
I woke up yesterday at 6:00 am and we came home from the wedding around 1:00am. Then today I had a daytime retreat for women in leadership at our church. I was so tired - but parts of the day I really enjoyed. I really connected with the women who sat at my table throughout the day during the many round table discussions we had.
I know I should be sleeping but I wanted to put a little quote in from Fonda’s book. I mentioned that things were not as they appeared on the surface and neither was she. Well, well into the book she tells her readers that on her 51st birthday, her husband Tom told her (after 16 years of marriage) he was in love with another woman. Devastating.
Anyway, she says of this time:
One day I heard myself say out loud, “If God wanted me to suffer like this, there must be a reason.” God? I looked around Did I just say God? Never had such a thought come into my head. I’m an atheist, right? But the moment I said it, the texture of my pain changed ever so slightly. I became easier to be patient, giving myself over to…what? I didn’t know, but I was so weakened that it was easy to go limp and just be.
Ever so slowly, over the months, a membrane began to cover the heart wound, and I could tentatively begin to cross the abyss without falling in.
(pg. 466, Jane Fonda, My Life So Far)
How did he do that? God I mean. She was pretty sure He didn’t exist and next thing you know she’s talking to him, and he’s making a difference. I just kept reading that over and over a few times in wonder. Even though much of our culture totally ignores him – God is still on the move, ready and present in times of trouble - even for those who are not yet “officially” his children.
Sleep, here I come.
We had a lovely lunch with Aimee before heading to the wedding at Peace Arch Park. It was the most beautiful park I think I've seen - lots of mature trees, manicured lawns, lovely dappled light though the fresh green leafy branches - all on a bluff overlooking the sparkling ocean. The wedding and reception were respectively beautiful and delicious. We were so proud and happy for our young friends. Steve was doing the sound and LK became his right hand man - hauling equipment, moving equipment, and hauling equipment again.
I woke up yesterday at 6:00 am and we came home from the wedding around 1:00am. Then today I had a daytime retreat for women in leadership at our church. I was so tired - but parts of the day I really enjoyed. I really connected with the women who sat at my table throughout the day during the many round table discussions we had.
I know I should be sleeping but I wanted to put a little quote in from Fonda’s book. I mentioned that things were not as they appeared on the surface and neither was she. Well, well into the book she tells her readers that on her 51st birthday, her husband Tom told her (after 16 years of marriage) he was in love with another woman. Devastating.
Anyway, she says of this time:
One day I heard myself say out loud, “If God wanted me to suffer like this, there must be a reason.” God? I looked around Did I just say God? Never had such a thought come into my head. I’m an atheist, right? But the moment I said it, the texture of my pain changed ever so slightly. I became easier to be patient, giving myself over to…what? I didn’t know, but I was so weakened that it was easy to go limp and just be.
Ever so slowly, over the months, a membrane began to cover the heart wound, and I could tentatively begin to cross the abyss without falling in.
(pg. 466, Jane Fonda, My Life So Far)
How did he do that? God I mean. She was pretty sure He didn’t exist and next thing you know she’s talking to him, and he’s making a difference. I just kept reading that over and over a few times in wonder. Even though much of our culture totally ignores him – God is still on the move, ready and present in times of trouble - even for those who are not yet “officially” his children.
Sleep, here I come.
Thursday, May 05, 2005
Mostly Walking
I have done an amazing amount of walking over the last couple of days. It hasn't worked out to share a car, so I've just been hoofing it. One thing I notice, when you are walking the rat race goes right past you in the cars on the road. It's nice walking, more time to think and to really see the world around me. The town seems smaller, which is funnny because it takes longer to get most places.
I don't normally mind sharing the sidewalk and paths with bikes but today I nearly got run over by a young guy who was riding traffic speed on the sidewalk. I didn’t even hear him coming – he just flew by – closely. I don't even walk straight, having goofy inner ears, so I hate to think about what would have happened to my body if I had veered to the right or to the left at that moment.
Tomorrow we go to Ryan and Elizabeth's wedding. I am pretty excited. Ryan is one of Lance's good friends. Ryan and Elizabeth asked us to do their pre-marriage counseling. This is the first time we have ever had this role and it was a blast. I don't mean that to sound shallow - not so - very much depth and very enriching for all four of us. It is certainly something that I have given much thought to and it was great to spend so much time with such intelligent, thoughtful people. Tomorrow we will be celebrating with them and cheering them on in ways one just can't do if you don't know the couple so well and believe in them so much.
I am mulling over a new thought that I think God gave me. I am a burden bearer. It's a gift. I like it. But, as with most burden bearers, I often carry too much for too long, or carry it incorrectly. Anyway, I was walking along, thinking about my mom and feeling very much empathy for her. Out of the blue (no pun intended - heaven - get it?) came this thought clear as day, "You don't need to feel another person's burden with the exact same intensity as they do to be compassionate". I put it in quotes because I really do think God said it to me. I spent the rest of that walk considering how that might play out.
I don't normally mind sharing the sidewalk and paths with bikes but today I nearly got run over by a young guy who was riding traffic speed on the sidewalk. I didn’t even hear him coming – he just flew by – closely. I don't even walk straight, having goofy inner ears, so I hate to think about what would have happened to my body if I had veered to the right or to the left at that moment.
Tomorrow we go to Ryan and Elizabeth's wedding. I am pretty excited. Ryan is one of Lance's good friends. Ryan and Elizabeth asked us to do their pre-marriage counseling. This is the first time we have ever had this role and it was a blast. I don't mean that to sound shallow - not so - very much depth and very enriching for all four of us. It is certainly something that I have given much thought to and it was great to spend so much time with such intelligent, thoughtful people. Tomorrow we will be celebrating with them and cheering them on in ways one just can't do if you don't know the couple so well and believe in them so much.
I am mulling over a new thought that I think God gave me. I am a burden bearer. It's a gift. I like it. But, as with most burden bearers, I often carry too much for too long, or carry it incorrectly. Anyway, I was walking along, thinking about my mom and feeling very much empathy for her. Out of the blue (no pun intended - heaven - get it?) came this thought clear as day, "You don't need to feel another person's burden with the exact same intensity as they do to be compassionate". I put it in quotes because I really do think God said it to me. I spent the rest of that walk considering how that might play out.
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
The Sandwich
Last night Cara and Andy came over for supper. We ordered in Malaysian food, which I had never had before and didn't have any idea what to expect. I loved it - a little spicy, lots of vegetables. We talked about getting together more often. We girls see each other frequently – but not the guys. Andy would like us to be more intentional and plan ahead as opposed to our usual spontanious approach that doesn't pan out well. We’re gonna give it a shot. I have felt very overextended physically and emotionally lately so the last thing on my mind has been entertaining. Then, it doesn’t have to be a big deal – tea even – it’s the getting together and talking that makes the memories – not the food and clean house.
Today my mom almost fell again. She just got super woozy and almost went down. That was really scary. She was using the walker, but what was going on? It was morning just like the first fall. Could it be low blood pressure, low blood sugar, sleeping pill wooziness? Why morning? Understandably, she was very frightened.
I am caught in a sandwich. They call my age group the sandwich generation. I thought, really, I would miss the sandwich part because my kids are already grown up. That doesn't mean though that there isn't the pull of wanting to connect and be there for them and enjoy them, while also caring for aging parents. I find it to be a very moment to moment existence and very new territory. It’s a really weird feeling having the tables turn on the care giving role. Some find it rewarding, mostly I’m just finding it sad.
On a totally different and much happier note, tomorrow Lance comes to Abbotsford, and then in another couple days, Aimee. Yippee. This has been a really busy year for them and the couple of times we attempted to visit didn’t fit with their school schedule. I really like hanging out with Aimee and Lance on their turf, getting a look into their world. Next year we’ll try harder. Having really missed that this year contributes to me being all the more eager for this summer.
All my birth children will be under the same roof for several weeks this summer and none because something has gone awry in their lives. What a unique experience that I expect to enjoy very much. Steve and Carolyn are moving back to town at the end of June. No - there is no more room under this roof :), but they will be with her mom until they get reestablished. I am looking forward to lots of good conversation with the kids, gardening, barbequing,laughter, camping and music. I will try not to feel like a host all summer because it is not required and having the inner attitude of over alertness to others’ needs wears me out. I'm learning.
Today my mom almost fell again. She just got super woozy and almost went down. That was really scary. She was using the walker, but what was going on? It was morning just like the first fall. Could it be low blood pressure, low blood sugar, sleeping pill wooziness? Why morning? Understandably, she was very frightened.
I am caught in a sandwich. They call my age group the sandwich generation. I thought, really, I would miss the sandwich part because my kids are already grown up. That doesn't mean though that there isn't the pull of wanting to connect and be there for them and enjoy them, while also caring for aging parents. I find it to be a very moment to moment existence and very new territory. It’s a really weird feeling having the tables turn on the care giving role. Some find it rewarding, mostly I’m just finding it sad.
On a totally different and much happier note, tomorrow Lance comes to Abbotsford, and then in another couple days, Aimee. Yippee. This has been a really busy year for them and the couple of times we attempted to visit didn’t fit with their school schedule. I really like hanging out with Aimee and Lance on their turf, getting a look into their world. Next year we’ll try harder. Having really missed that this year contributes to me being all the more eager for this summer.
All my birth children will be under the same roof for several weeks this summer and none because something has gone awry in their lives. What a unique experience that I expect to enjoy very much. Steve and Carolyn are moving back to town at the end of June. No - there is no more room under this roof :), but they will be with her mom until they get reestablished. I am looking forward to lots of good conversation with the kids, gardening, barbequing,laughter, camping and music. I will try not to feel like a host all summer because it is not required and having the inner attitude of over alertness to others’ needs wears me out. I'm learning.
Monday, May 02, 2005
More on Peace - Words From Lance
For Christmas past, Lance gave me a card and some gifts that would symbolize or inspire peace because he knows I find it illusive. I thought I would share with you what he wrote in the card:
[I want to give you peace for Christmas]... "full and abiding peace. Not the absence of uncertainty (though this would be nice) nor some sort of phony serenity. But a hearty, tough, gentle kind of peace. The kind of peace that will still the waters of your heart in the midst of concerns about your family, questions regarding your health, and wondering about where God is leading you.....He himself is our peace".
And then - Phil. 1:2, Isaiah 8:21-9:7, Phil. 4:4-9, Rom. 8:6, Rom. 15:13
I know he put some serious thought into this gift and I keep the card on my dresser to refer to often. Melanie is working on some drawings on peace and our seeking it. Melanie - I would so love to see them - Maybe this summer if they are something you feel free to share?
Lance never blogs even though he has a lot to say - but now - sort of he has blogged :) . He has other venues.
[I want to give you peace for Christmas]... "full and abiding peace. Not the absence of uncertainty (though this would be nice) nor some sort of phony serenity. But a hearty, tough, gentle kind of peace. The kind of peace that will still the waters of your heart in the midst of concerns about your family, questions regarding your health, and wondering about where God is leading you.....He himself is our peace".
And then - Phil. 1:2, Isaiah 8:21-9:7, Phil. 4:4-9, Rom. 8:6, Rom. 15:13
I know he put some serious thought into this gift and I keep the card on my dresser to refer to often. Melanie is working on some drawings on peace and our seeking it. Melanie - I would so love to see them - Maybe this summer if they are something you feel free to share?
Lance never blogs even though he has a lot to say - but now - sort of he has blogged :) . He has other venues.
Planning and Reading
Today LK and I were working on building plans for expanding our bookstore. We particularly are planning on enlarging our coffee shop. The little shop is frequently pretty full and we’ve been thinking that if we enlarged it we could serve more people. ALSO, we could have a permanent little stage in one corner and have all the concerts in the coffee shop (and more of them) instead of in the music room (having to move all the fixtures out all the time). Finally, our restrooms are located in the center of the store but in the expansion plans we will have some on the edge of the store allowing us to open the coffee shop early and stay open late without having the whole store open.
I like making plans. I remember loving when we first bought the building and we worked on graph paper moving each little to-scale fixture around for weeks until we liked the way it would work. Everything starts out flat and then you have to start thinking up. Today I got that same happy, excited feeling. I like that I can visualize three dimensionally as we work on the architect’s drawings. As we move walls around I can totally try things out in my mind and get the feel of the different departments. I’m enjoying that gift.
I am reading Jane Fonda’s book, “My Life So Far” and I’m finding it very intriguing. Jane is 8 years older than me (whoops - correction 15 years - sheesh), so when I was in high school she had already made some movies and had become an activist against the Viet Nam war. I didn’t really like her as an actor or activist at that time (she seemed to lack depth and sincerity), but as I read the book I discover she didn’t really like herself then either. Journeying along many rocky roads over several decades, she became a much more brave and authentic person. It’s interesting to read, in retrospect, about a period I lived in. That war, not popular in the first place, appears even more pathetic with aspects unveiled, which were hidden at the time. Never judge a book by a cover – and I’m thinking, not for the first time, never judge a person by their cover either.
Blogging questions – does anyone have any idea why my brother cannot access my blog? His computer just freezes when he tries. Also, when Carolyn and Steve try, it is formatted differently with only a few words per line – that must look really weird! And lastly – does anyone else’s spell check work? Mine doesn’t do anything except look like a hopeful icon and this is a feature I NEED!
Peace to everyone – myself included – I’m extra tense today for, again, no apparent reason.
I like making plans. I remember loving when we first bought the building and we worked on graph paper moving each little to-scale fixture around for weeks until we liked the way it would work. Everything starts out flat and then you have to start thinking up. Today I got that same happy, excited feeling. I like that I can visualize three dimensionally as we work on the architect’s drawings. As we move walls around I can totally try things out in my mind and get the feel of the different departments. I’m enjoying that gift.
I am reading Jane Fonda’s book, “My Life So Far” and I’m finding it very intriguing. Jane is 8 years older than me (whoops - correction 15 years - sheesh), so when I was in high school she had already made some movies and had become an activist against the Viet Nam war. I didn’t really like her as an actor or activist at that time (she seemed to lack depth and sincerity), but as I read the book I discover she didn’t really like herself then either. Journeying along many rocky roads over several decades, she became a much more brave and authentic person. It’s interesting to read, in retrospect, about a period I lived in. That war, not popular in the first place, appears even more pathetic with aspects unveiled, which were hidden at the time. Never judge a book by a cover – and I’m thinking, not for the first time, never judge a person by their cover either.
Blogging questions – does anyone have any idea why my brother cannot access my blog? His computer just freezes when he tries. Also, when Carolyn and Steve try, it is formatted differently with only a few words per line – that must look really weird! And lastly – does anyone else’s spell check work? Mine doesn’t do anything except look like a hopeful icon and this is a feature I NEED!
Peace to everyone – myself included – I’m extra tense today for, again, no apparent reason.
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